White To Black
by katielgk
Summary: (One-Shot) This place wasn't new to him. It was comfortable, and yet tense. He shouldn't be here long, he couldn't be here for long, but there are only so many ways you can leave.


Just a short little something from when I was feeling moody.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

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><p>Everything was white. Whether it swirled around him like fog or if it was just a giant space he couldn't tell. He wasn't sure how to find out. The absolute silence filled him and made him uneasy. Somehow he felt it wasn't lack of sound so much as a deafening roar. Again he found himself wanting answers and unable to think of a way to find them. The moment a thought came it was gone again. His head felt thick and heavy, and his body the same, but when he moved to sit it was easy, as if he had no weight at all. Muddled questioning rose up in him, and again left.<p>

He settled into a familiar lotus position and looked down. His hands sat in his lap lazily, and he was fine with leaving them there. The skin was lighter than he knew was natural for him. Curling the fingers of one hand slightly, he realized the whiteness around him was indeed a haze. It smoked over his flesh as he unclenched his fingers again, then curled into wisps before rejoining the cloud that surrounded him, taking with it more wonderings.

_How should I feel about this?_

This place wasn't new to him. It was comfortable, and yet tense. He shouldn't be here long, he _couldn't_ be here for long. Pressing his eyes together, he willed himself to concentrate. Instead he felt the absence of the soft cloth that normally surrounded his eyes. They opened again, and he reached up slowly, hoping to find the blue mask there still, and he just couldn't feel it. There was no knot on the back of his head, and no tails trailing down to his shoulders. His arms dropped down again and he sighed.

"Am I in danger?" he asked the fog.

"Are you?" it asked back.

He hadn't expected a response, but didn't start. All he had were questions that disappeared before he could properly form them, but the fog's voice sounded gruff and low, and he felt like it would be annoyed if he asked something else. He searched for something else to say, the fog's question already forgotten. Finally he settled for silence, and leaned forward to watch his fingers wriggle more in the shifting mist. Had he wanted to focus on something else before?

"Leo."

He looked up again, the response instinctual. The voice sounded pleading, needing his attention. A desire to offer comfort or assurance made him break the silence again.

"I'm here." Where was here?

Leo looked around slowly, his eyes searching for the source of the voice. It couldn't be the mist speaking to him, he figured.

"Finally," the voice breathed from in front of him. He stared at the figure before him. It shifted towards him, waving the wisps of white air away impatiently, then stopped. The figure's size made him think of old stories of some powerful spectral being, but couldn't remember if he should be frightened. Leo had to crane his neck backwards to see it's face. Amber eyes gazed back at him, surrounded by deep red. Not the eyes of some wandering deity on the astral plane, but his brother's.

He continued to stare up at Raphael, awed by his presence. His forehead furrowed, trying to find out why this wasn't right. More than one reason, he decided, unable to explain it to himself. Raph said his name again, crouching down. Leo was glad, the way he had been leaning back was unbalanced and he didn't want to fall over backwards. He kept his brother's gaze.

"It's so quiet," he said.

"Yea," Raph said after a moment, looking worried. "Ya' must like havin' that for once."

Leo's eyes broke their strare finally, and scanned around absently. "No," he said. Sadness tugged at him and for the first time he became frustrated that he didn't know why. "No. It's too quiet. It's so empty."

"Is it always this empty?"

Confused, Leo glanced up at him again. Raph leaned forward slightly and clarified. "When ya' meditate, is this where ya' normally go?"

He shook his head. That's what was wrong. This was an astral plane. He was familiar with this place, and what it took to get here. Leo spent hours meditating and would visit a plane similar to this one often. But that was different. When he was meditating, the spiritual plane he entered was peaceful. It was quiet but not like this. Where they were was dangerous, a place where souls were brought, rather than one that was sought out. Here is where a spirit teetered on the edge. He'd been here before and had been pulled back.

He watched Raph again, with a new intensity. Why was his brother's projection here? What had happened?

"Raph," he said unsteadily. "What happened? Are you ok? Were you attacked?"

No answer. Raph's mouth was open slightly as he stared back at Leo. Finally he blinked, and scowled slightly. He shook his head, and his hands clenched. Leo recognized Raph was trying to calm himself from an outburst and waited expectantly. The emerald skinned turtle set forward on his knees, capturing Leo's eyes with his own. "What the shell are ya' talkin' about Leo?" he growled. "I'm not the one that's hurt."

"But if you're here-"

Raph flashed a glare, silencing him. "Ya' damn idiot," he muttered. "Yer the one who's hurt. Don't ya' remember anythin'?"

The white mist stole the elder brother's gaze again as he tried to think. Blurred images drifted across his still groggy mind. He forced himself to focus on smoothing them out, needing the answers desperately. Memories slowly filled him as the fog lifted from his thoughts. Their old enemies attacking, being captured and beaten, a near escape met with harsh punishment. All he needed was to know his brothers were safe, and he could let go.

"Leo?" Raph called a third time. The fog around them seemed to have dissipated to just faint wisps as well.

"The fight with the Foot," Leo whispered.

"Yes."

"I was taken."

"...Yea."

"Did you all make it out?"

Raph sighed, rubbing his face. "Yea Leo, we all made it out. But you..."

His shoulders had tensed, but with his younger brother's assurance he relaxed again, only slightly. "I have no idea where they took me..."

The red-banded turtle looked at him again. "Bro, we-"

"Please don't put yourselves in danger looking for me alright Raph?" Leo interrupted. He avoided looking forward. "Just make sure Mikey and Don stay safe. It's not worth the risk going up against the entire Foot Clan and-"

"Leo, shuddap will ya'?"

The older turtle did, and finally stared again at Raph, confused, when the hothead chuckled nervously. Raph stood up, turning away a little. "Geez," he said shakily. "Givin' me this kinda lecture now..."

"Raph?"

"As if we would just give up on ya'," Raph said lowly, struggling to keep his voice even.

"I don't want you to risk losing your lives for me," Leo argued. He curled his fingers and huffed. "Besides, if I'm already on this plane...I didn't get here by meditating. I don't know how injured I am, but there's no guarantee I could even be brought back."

"We know exactly how injured ya' are," Raph said fiercely. He was facing Leo again, arms at his sides. Fire burned behind his eyes, but Leo didn't miss the fear there. "We already got ya' from the Foot Leo. Yer home right now." He put a hand up to stop Leo from speaking again. "We're _all_ home."

He gulped, and started to pace. "We already went in and saved ya'," he said again. "We managed to getcha home and trust me, tha' Foot will think twice about messin' with us again. But Leo yer...you..." he stopped moving, staring forward helplessly.

"Don's doin' everythin' he can. He said ya' might be t-too far gone. We all realize that," Raph inhaled shakily. "I had to try somethin' though. Mikey's so upset. Both of them...they're doin' everythin' they can. Jeezus Leo, we can't give up on ya' now. How can ya'-Don't ya dare try and tell me we should jus'..."

He lowered himself to his knees again, miserably. He faced sideways, instead of towards Leo and worked at lengthening his breaths. Leo's head was dropped, but his eyes were pointed at his brother, observing his distress. A guilt he knew all too well crept up from his gut, chilling him.

"I'm sorry."

Silence. He didn't like it. He wanted to hear the sounds of home. Don's pencil scratching against paper, or the clicking of the keys on his computer. Mikey's skateboard wheels against the concrete of the sewer, or the blasts from his latest video game. He wanted Raph to speak again, to yell even. He had no way of knowing if he could go back, or if he had to continue on from here, to whatever was after. He hoped it wasn't so still and quiet.

"So," he said breathily. "You're meditating?"

"I told ya' I had to try somethin'."

"Didn't think you had it in you."

Raph glowered. "Splinter taught all of us ya' know. Just because you were his star pupil..."

He trailed off, hurt. Splinter was already gone, and he was talking to a brother who may be joining him. Leo looked down too, hating the silence between them again.

"It looks different in here," Raph's voice rang around him. He hadn't moved from his spot, but somehow sounded more distant. Leo's breath hitched in fear, but he swallowed it back. He looked around. The fog still drifted around them, but it no longer invaded his senses. It was still white, but it seemed the plane itself was darker. As if some invisible sun was setting, it was brighter to his right, the way Raph was facing, and growing darker in the opposite direction.

"Th-this might be it," Leo gasped, unsure. He blinked up, seeing Raph staring at him with determination.

"Leo," he pleaded. "Ya' gotta come back to us..."

"Raph..."

"Just promise me. Don't...Don't give up now. We didn't give up on ya'." Raphael was fading away. His image was no longer the solid form it was when he first arrived. Leo knew he couldn't stay any longer. He forced a smile at his brother.

"I won't give up bro," he said. "Promise me none of you will."

"I swear it."

He was gone.

Leonardo was alone.

He watched the light move steadily, not sure what he was meant to do. These things were never clear. He wanted to go back home, but as he sat there he wondered. If he couldn't go back, if he had to move on, would Splinter be there to meet him? Dying wouldn't be so bad then. His brothers needed him though. He needed them.

What was he supposed to do?

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><p>Blackness. He couldn't move. He didn't try. He wondered if he was dead. If he was, he hoped it wouldn't stay so dark. He was uncomfortable, and scared. His head felt heavy, and his stomach sick.<p>

_At least it's not so quiet._

He concentrated on the muffled sounds around him. It took years, he felt, for his head to clear enough to even partially recognize any of the noises. As soon as it did, he wished he could fall back into the muddled darkness. Immense pain gripped at him, and he could not place where it came from. Everywhere, he assumed.

_Maybe I'm in hell._

He wanted to shout or thrash, anything to let out the pain. Thinking he had felt his hand twitch, he focused on it, but stinging, aching hurt rippled through him. His senses started to pick up more, becoming aware. He felt a pinch somewhere on his arm, and after an eternity the pain seemed to dull just a bit. There was beeping somewhere around him. Something shuffled, like papers being moved. Voices spoke far away from him.

He felt something in his own hand. Leathery, soft, another hand like his own. A soft sound near his face.

_Don't cry. Please._

"G-Guys!"

Mikey.

"Oh my god. Raph, Wake up!"

Donnie.

Elation. He wanted to share it with them, but he was too tired. The darkness was too heavy. He drifted away again.

"Leo, you better be fightin', ya' hear me?"

Raph.

Following the command he pushed upwards again.

"Come on bro, give me somethin'."

He willed his eyes to open, but it was too much. His brothers would have to wait. Someone's hand was still in his, and he squeezed with all the effort he had.

Mikey felt it. "He's back," the youngest whispered. He raised Leo's arm gently, the eldest's hand still gripping his lightly. Each brother broke into exhausted grins. Leonardo was home.


End file.
